Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I have an obsession. I must quit.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Neurotodog was allowed to peek in the bathroom to assure that we were not, indeed, kidnapping his boy. He chose to overstep his boundaries. Headlights on, just in case. You can never be too careful.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Press Release Re: Miss America

With his trademark flair, Jaxon Ruiz of Arizona managed to pull off a complicated open-toed kitten heel and square-toed stiletto combo.
We demand a recount. We think that the shoe category was flagrantly overlooked this year.


We both began to wonder why Jaxon was being so quiet.

Mental health: Slipping into hysteria

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Thursday love letter

2009 Award Season

Getting into the spirit of things, we here at TSOS, under the BlogMommy Association would like to annouce the new year's first award winner.

A rare photo of the award-winning belly button, at partial extension.

Mr. Ruiz was initially disqualified from the running, pending medical investigation and/or revision--but we are confident in our announcement that this work of abdomen art is safe from the scalpel for at least another two years.

Congratulations, Mr. Ruiz! You are truly an inspiration to outties everywhere.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The adventures of WonderBoy and BlogDog

Donning his thermalelastic deathray-resistant front-zipping one piece sportsuit, WonderBoy was spotted this morning, solving Tinytown's traffic problem.

Setting them up.Down the track they go...
...into the man cave...
...for easy collection!

BlogDog faithfully stood er, sat ergonomically lounged by, ready to intervene if called upon.

Orbison wouldn't deign to appear, instead he stayed tucked up in his cozyhole in the rafters and mocked our mortal naivete.

It's another innovative morning at the Ruiz household!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Dear Dad,

Ah, what can I say about my Padre? You're an awesome Dad, an amazing Grandpa, and a great next-door neighbor (well, almost next-door).
You've raised and supported seven of your own children, and two years ago, added four more to your brood! You taught us all how to work hard, and the value of fixing things when they're broken. While I didn't walk away with many "handyman" skills, it wasn't for your lack of trying! You were always there to pump up a flat bicycle tire or fix a broken ceiling fan or install a fresh light bulb--no matter what size the task was, you were the man to call.
Over the years, you have embraced our ever-expanding families, son-in-laws, grandchildren, animals... with love and patience. I especially love to watch you with your grandchildren (even if you think its your job to spoil them--often with candy!).
We love being so close to you and Deb and her family, and also want to wish you a Happy 2nd Anniversary today! We love that we've had the opportunity to get to know Deb, Heather, Nicole, Amber and Katelyn and include them in our family.

So Happy Birthday Dad--and Happy Anniversary Dad and Deb!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Bedazzled, for Will

According to my calculations, this shirt would:
  • use about 1.5 million plastic jewels
  • take 100,000 man-hours
  • destroy 350 bedazzler machines
  • result in a dozen or so carpal tunnel release surgeries
  • create a carbon footprint larger than China's
  • weigh 75 pounds
  • be visible from the International Space Station with the naked eye

Liberace and Elvis are in heaven; crying.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

For Will, post-game

You didn't specify bedazzled or not... I may be back after exercising some artistic freedom.

Pre-game blog *Small profanity warning*

I think it speaks for itself. Now taking orders--heck, I'll even bedazzle it (or edit! "Holy Molasses!" Or "Sweet Sister Mercy!" has a nice ring to it) for free.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The smell of awesome

11 PM, last night
The Queen Creek Ruiz's are fast asleep, having completed a full day of travel. Heather's cell phone rings, Preston jumps out of bed and wrestles it out of its charger. Seeing the caller is Vanessa, he shoves the phone in Heather's sleepy hand--but too late, the call has gone to voicemail. Preston urges Heather to call Vanessa back, and while Heather's sleepy mind is still trying to make sense of the buttons on her phone, the phone lights up and begins ringing again. Vanessa's number and picture flash on the screen. Registering enough alarm (Bryan, Vanessa and Adrian are all in Hawaii, Bryan had surgery on Monday), Heather answers the phone, and is slightly confused to hear Bryan's excited voice on the other end. The following conversation is as Heather's sleepy mind recorded--but definitely not word-for-word.

H: Hello?
B: Hey Heather! It's your midnight wake-up call!
H: Oh
B: It's Bryan
H: Hi Bryan
B: Vanessa just called you and left a message, but I'm calling you back because she didn't tell the whole story. We just saw Steven Tyler!
H: Oh
B: And originally we were 10 2 (correction via Bryan, I told you I was asleep) feet from him, and I kept telling Vanessa "Hey, there's Steven Tyler!" but she was all "Nooooo", and I was all "Look at him, nobody but Steven Tyler could have that mouth!" and finally she looked, when were like 45 feet from him and was all "Yeah, hey--that's Steven Tyler! Let's call Heather!" So we're calling you.
H: That's crazy
B: Yeah, so okay! Goodnight!

And about 30 seconds after I hung up the phone, I realized what Bryan had just said--and couldn't go back to sleep. What does he look like in person? Did they get a picture? Wasn't he surrounded by security? How do you stand 10 2 feet from Steven Tyler and not SMELL the awesomeness? Why didn't I get to see Steven Tyler in Hawaii??? Why wasn't Vanessa a good sister, knowing I was like... his BIGGEST FAN, and have HIM leave me a voicemail?!?!?

Upon further inspection, my phone decided to deliver said voicemail from Vanessa at some point today--and it appears that Steven Tyler was patronizing The Cheesecake Factory in Waikiki. Perhaps Vanessa could smell Steven Tyler's awesomeness--perhaps it smells like cheesecake.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Vegas, the Pictorial

We ate breakfast. $30.00 worth of breakfast, and it wasn't delicious. Preston has his angry eyes on.
We also went bowling, and Jaxon did a lot of snuggling.
I tried to get a picture of Jaxon's face, but he was experiencing some carpet-induced motion sickness. Instead, you may admire the wispiness of his hair. Or the carpet. Or both.
Jaxon and JoJo snuggled some more and enjoyed a few laughs.
Kyle managed to get some texting done.
We played games, talked and laughed and ate, and enjoyed the company of JoJo and Kyle so much that I kept forgetting to be a good little blogger and take pictures.

And now for the "Uh" portion of today's post:
...and then they made paper airplanes to throw out our Hotel room's window. Why? Because we were on the 14th floor perhaps. Or because the pool was directly below us. Or because you had to execute the throw while standing in the bathtub with your left hand out a one-foot-wide window that only opened out three or so inches. Or maybe its because they're boys.


Friday, January 9, 2009

Case Closed

Tonight, the world can rest easier. Hendrix Q. Ruiz was apprehended without incident late last night, and has been charged with the mangling death of Duckie.
We would like to thank the public for their cooperation, this was a team effort, and we couldn't have solved this case without the community's support.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

RIP, Duckie

The Investigation
Suddenly, Detective Ruiz's homicide sensors are tingling. The following images may contain content that is disturbing to some viewers. Parental discretion is advised.
We have two suspects in custody, they are being questioned separately. If you have any information regarding this case, please call crimestoppers.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

45 mph couch potato

This is such a Hendrix expression ("Golly, can't a dog nap around here without having the stalkerazzi butt in?!?"), I had to share. He's taking up more than 2/3's of the couch now.

Monday, January 5, 2009


So much criticism from my family re: what is quickly becoming known as "The Pinto Bean Incident".

If I hadn't grown up learning to cook for a family of NINE, maybe I would have a better sense of food proportion.
I still can't make a normal volume of spaghetti.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Nobody told me that dried pinto beans get bigger.

So I made the whole four-pound bag.

Toddler OCD strikes again

Jaxon Robert aka Sir Fuzzy Nog of the OCD Brotherhood made an early-morning appearance.

His handiwork...

Obviously, he is pleased with himself.