Friday, July 24, 2009

Letter to the Blogger

Oh, I've been meaning to send you a "Letter to the Blogger" to ask you how
your fish are doing considering the frog invasion of 2009? And what their
official stance is regarding Amphibians? :P And if Quasi would ever consider
plastic surgery?
Dear Reader,
First of all, I would like to thank you for your inquiry. Secondly, I would like to apologize for the wonky format in which Blogger has decided to display your inquiry. I have tried to fix the formatting, but alas--Blogger's rhyme and reason to formatting eludes me yet.
To answer your questions, Fish 1, 2 and Quasi have released an official comment regarding items one and two (that is, how they are doing and their official stance re: Amphibians).

Bloop bloop bloopity bloopbloop.

(
cheesy translation voice over): We are at this time safe behind the walls of our BPA-rich orange plastic environment, and the frogs have yet to cross into our physical territory. Preventative measures are being taken, however, in the form of multiple 3-day time release food tablets and stockpiles of orange rocks (for therapeutic stacking purposes). We are prepared to negotiate with these amphibians regarding the amount of human time they shall recieve, but since the very nature of amphibians suggests an inability to commit to one thing or another (water or land, for example), we are not holding our breath. (Because we don't have to, we're fish).


Quasimodo's Lawyer and Publicist have collaborated on the following statement regarding the possibility of Quasi's "reconstructive" surgery:

We can confirm that Mr. Quasimodo has indeed looked into the possibilty of medically enhancing his image. However, at the time of publication, his HMO has most unfortunately denied all proposed procedures on the unjust grounds that any attempts to remove his tumor would be for purely cosmetic reasons, and therefore medically unnecessary. Rest assured that we are in the process of filing an appeal with the HMO. As a fish in the blog industry, Mr. Quasimodo relies on his image a great deal. If he becomes unable to work because of his unfortunate malformation, he will likely spend the remainder of his days in a deep, dark depression with only therapeutic rock arranging to spur on his pathetic will to live.

I hope these statements have answered your questions, dear Reader. And please, keep reading.

Until next time,
Heather

5 comments:

Trezise Momma said...

You are hilarious, and you have waaaay too much time on your hands! Love you, sister!!

A. Reader said...

Thank you, blogger.
This made my day. : D

I'll let the formatting side, just this once.

Jennifer said...

Tara beat me to it... You have too much time on your hands sister...

The Barton Family said...

Sorry Heather I am with your sisters!! Although that was pretty funny.

Elmo & Ann Wedding News said...

you are a dork. I won't even pretend to know what you just said. It was something about your fish, wasn't it?