Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Prime Location Domination in a Group Setting

I have identified two basic strategies for scavenging someone else's spot in a group setting such as Zumba.

Situation one: Scavenger arrives to class late, and finds themselves relegated to the back. This requires the employment of the bulldozer, or pillaging, strategy. Scavenger uses obnoxiously large and often unrefined arm and leg movements. Then, taking advantage of his/her fellow classmate's unwillingness to risk life or limb to hold their spot, the Scavenger effectively clears the way to a more desirable spot, often 3-4 rows forward and 5-7 spots left or right.
Situation two: Scavenger finds themselves within sniffing distance of their target location. This situation requires the use of the vulture tactic. Scavenger waits until thirst or another malady weakens their target enough to make him/her leave just long enough for the Scavenger to swoop in and take over. This technique works well for that prime spot just one or two clicks over.

Nobody wants to be the victim of a Scavenger, so here's what you can do to protect yourself. First, you will need to practice self-denial. You need a drink? Use the bathroom? Toughen up, cupcake--those vulture-type Scavengers aren't going to take pity on your bodily needs, and neither should you. And to deter the bulldozer, you'll want to employ body armor. Goggles, a helmet, shin pads and steel-toed boots are a good start.

Lastly, don't let the Scavenger make you question your existence. You are visible, and most of us can see you.
Happy workout!


Melissa said...

YES!!!! I totally agree! Hint as to why I have learned to be on the other side of the room. Seems to have less crowding and stealing issues. I think perhaps I may take to wearing combat boots so I can claim spots and people will run and hide! LOL!

Fluteloop said...

That's funny! I noticed some people seem to have perma spots and every one just yields to them. I like the back so no one can see me but I keep getting pushed into the more forward spots! And sometimes I do wonder if I exist...

Angela said...

This made me laugh out loud!

Do said...

I can't wait to wear my steel-toe boots to Zumba! Great Idea!!!